and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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