everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize