dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
