It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize