I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
