I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
please come you make the beer taste better
It's never too late to be topless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
