dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize