THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
