i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize