I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
