Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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