They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
