dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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