these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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