I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
