Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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