Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
