i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
