You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i've created a new STD.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
