So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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