your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
