butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
