Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
