Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
