i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
