Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
