I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
