my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
