I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
