I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
