I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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