well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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