honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
