i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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