The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
