I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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