ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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