all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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