dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
