dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
