She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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