operation harelip BJ is a go
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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