i jhust puked up my retainher.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
