if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
