I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
