he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize