I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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