He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
