fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
