I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
