i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
