i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
please don't ironically join a cult
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