i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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