There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
