she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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