Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
