I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
