you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
