I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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