I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
