he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
