Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so that wasnt chicken after all
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
