I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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