Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
