just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
