We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize