His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I will pee on everything he values.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
