We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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