Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
