Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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