the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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