last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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