Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
