he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
