yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
as a side note pls kill me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
