i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
