My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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