i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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