If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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