I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
