I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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