Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
