And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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