Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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