Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
