Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
