you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
