so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
