my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
