Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize