i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
