I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
