Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize