Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Vodka?
Forever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
