My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
