She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
