just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
