I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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