stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
